Roller Coaster

Wow. Life has been like a roller coaster this week. I am super busy at work, the boys are still sick with a cold, and I am dealing with some personal issues.... Overall, everything is okay. Just holding on and trying to "enjoy the ride". Gosh, does being a mother mean constant worry about the well being of your children? It feels that way... My thoughts are... "Is he eating enough?", "Is he pooping enough", "Is he happy?", "Is he sleeping enough?", "Am I being a good mother?" and on and on and on.... it's encompassing....Then, at work, all hell has broken loose. There are so many tragedies happening to other people that it makes me look at my life with a magnifying glass.

I am also, for some reason, having many thoughts about my father lately, who has passed away. Just watching Chris be a good daddy makes me think of him. Then, a couple people at work have recently lost their father and it brings back memories. Not bad memories, per se... just makes me think about him. I am thinking I have not dealt with all the emotions from his death. Gosh, thank goodness I see a therapist.. he he he he...

My grandmother also has Alzeimers and is in a home. I have not seen her in a long time. I have so many great memories of her and I need to go see her. But I am scared. I don't know exactly what I'm scared of... maybe of the "unknown". I don't want to see my grandfather because (pardon my french) he is such a cold hearted asshole and I dont' want a confrontation. My plan is to go see her this weekend. My hope is just to make her smile. I need to make time, on a weekly basis to see her. I know Chris will be supportive, but I also don't want to spend time away from my family. I already don't feel like I have enough time with them...

Even through all this, I am extremely thankful and appreciative for all of the wonderful things in my life. My job. My kids. My husband. My mother. My brother (although I'm worried about him, too). My house. My health. My family's health. Supportive, positive people in my life.

The counselor at my school and a woman that I like very much, sent these questions/reminders to my staff and it really struck me....

- Choose being kind over being right. Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?
-Seek peace in all interactions and relationships.
-What do you really, really, really, really want?
-What are you willing to do/to give up to get what you want?
-What are you grateful for?
-What was the best moment of your day?
-Refine what you say to yourself.....is it positive?
-When talking about others (including your children) or about yourself ask yourself before you speak...
-Is it positive?
-Is it true?
-Will it hurt someone's feelings?
-Is it necessary to say?
-When talking about another person, including your children, would you be saying if they were in the room?

Thoughts to ponder...
Love always,
Rachel